Resiliency: What is it?

"It is easy enough to be pleasant, when life flows by like a song, but the man worth while is one who will smile, when everything goes dead wrong." ("Worthwhile", in 'The Best-Loved Poems of the American People, Sel. Hazel Felleman, 1936, 144, Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

Resilience \ri-‘zil-yens\ n 1 : the ability of a body to regain its original size and shape after being compressed, bent, or stretched 2 : an ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune (The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 1994). The opposite of resilience is to be resistant to change. The purpose of this blog is to learn how to deal with change in a resilient way rather than resisting change, allowing ourselves to grow from all of life’s experiences. Imagine a lake behind a dam.

This lake represents your personal reservoir of energy which is replenished as it is used. From this lake, you are able to put energy into life situations. If change, or stress, enter into your life, the flood gates of the dam are opened and some of the water is drained away. If the changes or challenges are small, only a small amount of water is used. Bigger things drain more away. A rapid series of changes or a traumatic event can open the flood gates wide and the lake will run dry. This could be anything from a fight with someone you care for, job loss, an addiction you are struggling with, or things that are out of your control. Resources are depleted. No energy is left for life and you may experience “burnout” or fall into a depression. There is a lack of motivation and life seems dreary. To avoid such a situation you must replenish the water in the lake (your resiliency), or learn to control how much energy is being used (for the complete analogy, go to http://www.lessons4living.com/resiliency.htm).

How Resilient are you? Quiz yourself

Rate yourself from 1 to 5 on the following: (1 = very little, 5 = very strong)

1. 
   In a crisis or chaotic situation, I calm myself and focus on taking useful actions.
2. 
   I'm usually optimistic. I see difficulties as temporary and expect to overcome them.
3. 
   I can tolerate high levels of ambiguity and uncertainty about situations.
4. 
   I adapt quickly to new developments. I'm good at bouncing back from difficulties.
5. 
   I'm playful. I find the humor in rough situations, and can laugh at myself.
6. 
   I'm able to recover emotionally from losses and setbacks. I have friends I can talk with. I can express my feelings to others and ask for help. Feelings of anger, loss and discouragement don't last long.
7. 
   I feel self-confident, appreciate myself. and have a healthy concept of who I am.
8. 
   I'm curious. I ask questions. I want to know how things work. I like to try new ways of doing things.
9. 
   I learn valuable lessons from my experiences and from the experiences of others.
10. 
    I'm good at solving problems. I can use analytical logic, be creative, or use practical common sense.
11. 
    I'm good at making things work well. I'm often asked to lead groups and projects.
12. 
    I'm very flexible. I feel comfortable with my paradoxical complexity. I'm optimistic and pessimistic, trusting and cautious, unselfish and selfish, and so forth.
13. 
    I'm always myself, but I've noticed that I'm different in different situations.
14. 
    I prefer to work without a written job description. I'm more effective when I'm free to do what I think is best in each situation.
15. 
    I "read" people well and trust my intuition.
16. 
    I'm a good listener. I have good empathy skills.
17. 
    I'm non-judgmental about others and adapt to people's different personality styles.
18. 
    I'm very durable. I hold up well during tough times. I have an independent spirit underneath my cooperative way of working with others.
19. 
    I've been made stronger and better by difficult experiences.
20. 
    I've converted misfortune into good luck and found benefits in bad experiences.

Scoring:
80 or higher very resilient!
65-80 better than most
50-65 slow, but adequate
40-50 you're struggling
40 or under seek help!

Your Resiliency: How to replenish your Reservoir of Water

To get an idea of what it takes to have a reservoir for when challenges or change come into your life, try this following activity. Get a blank piece of paper, number it 1-20, and make a list of 20 things that you enjoy doing. It could be anything from serving people, to playing with your children or climbing a mountain. Really think about these things: what do you enjoy doing the most? Enjoy the music on this blog as you do so.

Now that you’ve completed your list, ask yourself why you enjoy doing these activities? Is it because they allow you to be creative, playful, kind, honorable, spiritual, or powerful? What is the source of your enjoyment?

When we realize that in doing these favorite activities we are really fulfilling the needs of our heart. Your heart wants to be childlike, moral, intuitive, and noble. When we take action in our lives to fulfill these needs, it is as though we are filling our lake with the necessary reservoir of water for the moments when they are needed most. The following posts address each of these needs individually.

Needs of the Heart: To be Childlike

In order to keep your lake full, you must never let go of your childlike yearnings. Some of these yearnings include the following:

• Survivor
• Vulnerable
• Trusting
• Nurtured
• Belonging
• Teachable
• Being Loved
• Curious
• Creative
• Playful
• Humorous
• Fun Lover
• Adventurer
• Risk Taker

To fulfill your childlike yearnings does not mean that we have to revert back to how we were when we were 4 years old, but it does mean that we can find ways in our lives to be humorous, adventurous, or teachable. Go through this list and on a blank piece of paper write down each yearning listed. Next to each yearning, write down ways to fulfill this yearning in your life. You can use examples from your list of 20 Top Favorite Things to do. If you are having a difficult time, think of ways in which you fulfilled these yearnings as a child and with those ideas think of new ideas that you can use in your life.

Needs of the Heart: To be Moral

The next part in maintaining your reservoir is to follow your moral yearnings. These include:

• Integrity


• Honesty


• Honor


• Reverence


• Respect


• Golden Rule


• Fidelity


• Kindness

Think of ways in which you are fulfilling these moral yearnings. Think of ways in which you are ignoring or neglecting these yearning. You may write them down to help yourself. Each of us has a moral framework. This does not necessarily mean that we are always living within that moral framework. Each time we violate our moral framework, the result is feelings of guilt, unhappiness, and frustration. When we follow our morals, we feel at peace, happy, and have a sense of freedom. On a blank piece of paper write down the following categories:

1. At home:
2. At work:
3. In friendships:
4. With extended family:

Next to each category, evaluate areas in that category in which you may be violating your moral framework and write them down. After writing each down, the second thing to do will be to think of examples of how these situations can be changed in order for you to begin living within your moral framework. Lastly, below the categories, write about the feelings you may have after you begin to live within your moral framework. This could include happiness, peace and freedom.

Needs of the Heart: To be Intuitive

Intuition \in-tu-wi-shen\ n 1 : quick and ready insight 2 : the power or faculty of knowing things without conscious reasoning (The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 1994)

Intuition may not always seem logical to your head, but to your heart it makes perfect sense. To fulfill the yearning of the heart to be Intuitive, a list has been made of what these yearnings are:

• Gut feeling
• Discernment
• 6th Sense
• Spiritual Guide
• Harmony with nature and universe
• United with Spiritual source of strength

Write down examples in which you have had intuitive experiences. This could be anything from sensing the need to call a friend, sensing that your child is in danger, or that something may soon come to an end. After writing down these experiences, think of the feelings you had in following them and the result from following them.

It is empowering when we realize that in listening to our heart, there are answers. We may not be as weak or incapable as we think. When we listen and follow the whisperings of our hearts, often the result leads to an unforgettable experience.

I myself have had one of the most incredible experiences of my life because I chose to tune into and follow when I felt prompted. I sensed a "gut feeling" for months about something I hadn't even tought about doing. After feeling frustrated with myself for ignoring this prompt for about six months, I couldn't help but to finally listen - listen with my soul and my heart. It was the first time in my life that I had heard something without listening with my ears. It resonated within me to a point where I couldn't help but to do what I had been prompted to do. This lead me to a position that I would never have ended up in had I continued to ignore this intuition.

What does this have to do with keeping a reservoir of water for when the flood gates open? The flood gates opening to me were the change presented to me in the prompt. It's not the prompt or intuition in itself that provides us with necessary water, but the water is our willingness to accept change, to take action and to do something. When we feel a prompt, we become resilient when we rouse our bodies to action. In the movie, Polar Express, it was said, "One thing about trains: It doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on."

Needs of the Heart: To be Noble

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter" ~ Yoda

Growing up I loved to color, and my favorite crayons were the gold and silver ones. I would use them more than any other crayon, which became very frustrating after a while, since we would end up having a million crayons but no gold or silver ones - I had used them all up. These metals were not just loved by me as a child, but they are metals that people have loved for thousands of years, adorning their temples with gold, men giving women gold, silver or platinum rings. Why? Gold, silver, platinum and three others are part of a category called Noble Metals: metals that are resistant to corrosion or oxidation, unlike most base metals. They are considered precious metals, mainly due to their perceived rarity.

We are noble in nature, but often we decrease our ability to resist corrosion when we forget. This noble nature is part of how we fill, with water, our reservoir of resiliency. Nobility includes:

• Service
• Touching hearts
• Having purpose, meaning and order
• Valuing self and others
• Having self-esteem
• Power (to do good)
• Self-efficacy
• Having faith
• Building a legacy
• Fulfilling your dream
• It is who you are

Attached in the following link is a article prepared by a man named Thomas S. Monson. It teaches of the nobility we all have and the ways in which we can, through our nobility, avoid corrosion and how corrosion is the result when we turn our backs on our nobility. The article is found here: "Finishers Wanted"

To learn how to follow our noble nature, it can be easy to look to the examples of others who have shown you their nobility. Take a blank piece of paper and number it 1-2. Number one will be to write down the names of those who have shown you their nobility by shining brightly in your behalf. It could be someone who has provided emotional support for you, a person who has provided tangible (possibly financial) support, or maybe someone you consider to be your idol. Number two will be to write down how you can do similar things and how you have possibly done this already.

Where does the water come from?

Obviously this blog is based on the analogy of a lake set behind a dam. The lake represents the reservoir of strength needed to resiliently cope with the challenges life presents, which open the flood gates. The lake is filled with water when we fulfill the needs of the heart: Childlike, Moral, Intuitive and Noble. This is how the lake is filled, but what is the source of the water? Where does it come from, or who gives it to us as we act on the needs of the heart? I have long kept an article written in a monthly bulletin for a group I used to participate in. I include it here as I feel it best describes where our water comes from: (if it is difficult to read, double clicking the image will enlarge it)




I call this source God, others may call it their spiritual source or strength, and others still may call it their Higher Power. This source gives us strength and provides us with the water we are in so much need of.

"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well
you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is." ~Yoda